December 31st, 2013. Today is the last day of this magnificent year. I never really expected it, but I believe this year has been one of those wonderful years which I am extremely positive and at the same time, extremely … Continue reading
christmas, oh christmas, here you are again. getting my money, making me a somewhat happy and giving me some sort of hope.
every year since i began college, i always have this day of evaluation of the year past and think of how good it was or how foolish i have become or wiser, if that would be the case. i guess now would be that day. while i am here in a small network gaming place near my house, cramped with all the teenagers wasting their money in internet gaming that devours their intelligence, i am writing this blog just to talke a break from checking mails and researching some stuff from my thesis. ive been going here ever since my computer crashed and was replaced with a 4.3 GB hard drive (how pityful). this is not in any way, a good place to make a blog, uncomfortable, hot, dark, chaotic. but it will do for the situation is unavoidable.
there are only two christmas moments that i remember in my life and both of them were when i was in elementary. i guess those are the “nostalgia days” when christmas just means gifts, clothes, new things, sparkling lights and of course, a two and a half week vacation. the first moment was when i was roughly around 5, i had bulutong (those menacing things) and we were still living in our bungalow house in the province. i woke up in christmas morning, first saw our very nice christmas tree and my tito was there to give us some presents. now, now.. its all about the presents when you are just a kid. so i ran to him and he gave me this m&m’s – the brown ones, yung pinaka basic packaging. not really the most expensive of gifts but because during the time, my mom didnt allow us to eat any sweets for it will ruin our teeth, it was so much of a joy! i dont know if i ate it at once or not but the moment stuck to me because after the gift giving i raised my arms and showed to my dad that i got a present. he immediately took a picture of me wih my arms outstretched. i was really happy then and it showed in the picture.
The other moment was in elementary, around age 10. i was in my room praying hard. god, i prayed hard. in the darkness of my room which i shared with my mom back then, i slowly got up, got this giant sock that we had for christmas and hanged it in one of the corners of my room. iput a small not in there with all my wishes compressed in a few bullets. now believe me when i say this, that was the peak of my belief to santa clause. for before that fateful night i said to myself that i deserved a gift because i have been very very good that year. i made a list of what i wanted for christmas, the thing that i wanted most was the Transformers which i adored so much when i was a kid. so i hanged it there waited and waited until i fell asleep waiting for santa. unfortunately, he didnt come that night so i waited again the next night. and the next. and the next. he never really came. after that, i outgrew my longing for him. forgot about the event. i guess it was my first wake up call for reality. he really wouldnt come.
i guess one point or another, a boy realizes that some of the things he held dear during christmas is not really there. the magic and all the glitter all vanishes little by little when we grow older, ten years later, it is really gone. now i see a different christmas. far from my innocent days, i see all the things that i have to do for my thesis, i see that next year i will be working, i see that christmas lights actually has some meralco equivalent payment. i didnt receive any gifts this year. no m&m’s, no socks to voice out what i really want. nothing.
christmas this year for me, is another dose of reality that my life has changed. i have changed and no amount of longing can bring me back to happier times. there is just a hope that i will encounter it the next time around. i guess if i pray, just like when i was ten, pray hard, i would actually get that m&m’s moment again of pure happiness. i really hope so.
transferred from Friendster blog written 19 Dec 2005
Armand firstname.lastname@example.org :
we’ew of the same… christmas makes ypung ones insane.. how i wish i could share it to someone.
Leslee email@example.com :
well, i think one of the most shocking revelation of reality when i was a child was that santa claus is just a product of imagination..an illusion..
sinusulatan ko pa si santa nun. tapos magkakalaman yung medyas at supot na sinasabit ko only to find out na mommy ko lang pala ang naglalagay..
oh well, reality bites..so bite back!..hehe=>