Crazy Dreams

wishing

I heard this beautiful music from Smash. Just in line with what I feel for the moment, in this state of dream, of aspiring for something seemingly crazy.  I am not really the type to post songs in blogs but I am making an exemption today. The music is hopeful, easy and beautifully sang just the way I like it. Although this is a Carrie Underwood original, the rendition of Megan Hilty is much more appropriate.

“Crazy Dreams”

Hello you long shots

You dark horse runners

Hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers

Hello you wild magnolias

Just waiting to bloom

There’s a little bit of all that inside of me and you

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

I stood at the bottom of some walls I thought I couldn’t climb

I felt like Cinderella at the ball just running out of time

So I know how it feels to be afraid

Think that it’s all gonna slip away

Hold on, hold on

Here’s to you free souls, you firefly chasers

Tree climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players

Here’s to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms

There’s a lot of wonder left inside of me and you

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

Never let a bad day be enough

To go and talk you in to giving up

Sometimes everybody feels like you

Oh, feels like you, just like you

Yeah

I’ve met some go-getters

Some difference makers

Small town heroes, and big chance takers

I’ve met some young hearts with something to prove

Oh, yeah

Here’s to you long shots

You dark horse runners

Hairbrush singers, and dashboard drummers

Here’s to you wild magnolias

Just waiting to bloom

There’s a little bit of all that inside of me and you

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

Yeah

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Possible New Year’s Resolution

I have a diary of sorts that i keep in a filing cabinet in my room. it just like this blog, it contains a lot of my thoughts, although more personal than this one. This is mostly public thoughts – kumbaga may kailangang censorship. MTRCB style. What i have there are my frustrations, my fears, my aspirations and desires. I even have a picture of my desired abs if God just implanted it to my torso.

The diary that I had began when i was 16, a graduating student in high school and I pretty  much knew nothing of the world. Kahit ngayon naman wala pa kong alam sa mundo but back then, all i knew was my school life. I wanted to have a ritual when i wrote, para may konting drama and inspiration – to eat tostillas before i write anything. Those triangular nachos only made its debut for three or four entries and i forgot all about it. Naalatan ako masyado. My entries were mostly about friendship and of a math exam which I was lowest and some stupid nothing about my day, kasama na dun ang mga kainisan ko sa classroom. I had my first idealist thought when i was about to enter college when I promised myself that “I will be just like the oblation, all for country, for the betterment of the world.”  During college, my writings were mostly of jumbled emotions best said by the lyrics of La Vie Bohieme,

To days of inspiration
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad

Those were written with so much passion that now that I look back at it, I never thought I felt that way at the time that it happened. Creative ako sa pagsusulat, I remember Ryan Philippe’s character in Cruel Intentions where he had a diary of his excapades and desires and it had drawings and illustrations. Parang artwork na ang lumabas. So that became my inspiration. May mga dinikit ako dung mga pics to get the message across making the writing so much more interesting.

There are also lists that I made in my diary like “10 things i loved abouth
boracay”, “the joys of being single” and the funniest, “30 things I wanna do before i turn 30”  (you wont believe how bogus some of the things that i wrote). Aside from this list, i always have one list that i regularly update – my new year’s resolution. Every year seems to be the same thing, i realize, but remarkably, i actually did my last year’s new year’s resolution.  It had  something to do about fitness, of preparing myself to work (na nasobrahan ata), about interacting with people and being sincere. Mukhang may mga nagawa naman ako.

For this year,  i still dont know what i would like to do for myself. Parang blangko ngayon ang utal ko siguro dahil January 1 pa lang at may pasok na ko sa trabaho bukas but i will have to think about it sooner or later. Its part of my introspective assesment of my year. I would want to keep it hanging for the moment coz i’m sleepy and dumbfounded but i will write it soon enough.

what  do you think should i write for my resolution?

transferred from Friendster Blog written 01 Jan 2007

Comments:

Marvin gingatv@msn.com:

=)

IE ayi19062@yahoo.com:

oh. what i would give to read that diary. i’m curious about what’s written in there. ha!

Gabriel:

hahaha, hey marvin, how is my salinggawi dance troupe friend?

its a guide book to a hidden treasure. hahaha! it can be comparable to da vinci’s code or the mysterious poems of rumi. lol. thanks for the comment ie.

Joel brujahharpy@yahoo.com:

You read Rumi? Impressive.

A Life that Matters

A few weeks ago, my brother handed me a poem that he came across lying around our house. It is a beautiful poem that tells us that our lives wont be “Tuck Everlasting” (this is a book i read in HS about immortality). It will surely come to an end and how we spend it is depending on us. There will be  an imprint that we leave behind when we pass away. I would imagine that it would take some time before this really happens but I wonder, what will be my imprint to the world?

I am young and there is still a long way before i fade into oblivion but this poem hopefully will be a reminder for me that success need not be defined by fame, temporal power and wealth. What will really matter are the lives that we touched, the people that will feel “a lasting loss when you’re gone”.

Hopefully, this blog is an extension of my existence and my imprint to the world. That i didnt go by without making my presence known and my life had a meaning. In my best wishes, you who read this blog will see that i am not just an unknown face or “that guy with the video”, i am that man who wants to make that imprint, who wants to  declare his  existence and who wants to unvail his purpose – whatever that would be.

I may look back 20 years from now (or is there still internet at that time, surely something will come up to revolutionize it again) I will rediscover this poem, this dream of having a life that matters and evaluate,”Did my life really matter?” Hopefully it will.

What is my significance?

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Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines

A poem for those who were hurt or are hurting. It was given to me by someone very close to me. i first heard it in audio format and i tell you, this is quite sad. hopefully you who reads my blogs will not experience the pain of being left by someone you love dearly. sometimes, we are faced with so much pain in our lives that not even words can describe our feelings.

Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines

by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example,’The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

transferred from Friendster Blog written last 23 Dec 2005

Comments:

Leslee leelee_502@yahoo.com:

“I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.”

“She loved me, sometimes I did love her too.”–> ang bothering ng mga linyang ito. parang hindi nila mahal ang isa’t isa all the time. it seems conditional.