This holy week, far from our family’s traditional routine to go to nueva ecija to mingle with family and to catch up with the latest buzz in the local elections, i decided to take a four day trip to one of the summer meccas in the Philippines: Puerto Galera.
1. get a good dose of tan;
2. drink and party all night, and
3. just get freaking happy.
Yes, after four days i actually achieved it all. i forgot about work and money budgeting coz there was no point in doing so, everything there is expensive anyway.
so there i was, enjoying those four days without being guilty about it. i would not tell you about how fun it was or how dark i got, thats all so easy to tell. its puerto galera. No need for explanations. What i will tell you is what i realized, my eureka moment when i was there.
The last night of our seemingly endless journey, i, wanting a moment alone, went out of our room to go to the beach. Slowly, i walked, half dreamingly, savoring the moment of ease and relaxation. I sat down in the sand, looked at the horizon and saw the setting sun. Although everything around me had the vibrancy of the summer vacation and and everyone was enjoying the last few minutes of swimming before darkness, i on the other hand, was put in a trance of peace like what happens when you mute the television when it became so noisy. I opened my cellphone, went to my song book and listened to “Calling All Angels” (a song that people play during death ceremonies). Everything became so quiet and people started to slow down like some music video in black and white. I felt a certain kind of spiritual trance.
Beyond the moments of booze and fun i remembered that the next day was easter. “Pasko ng Pagkabuhay” as we say in tagalog. As it was said in the PDI, the night before easter is the holiest of nights, i guess that was what I felt at that moment too. It seems that i have replaced contemplation with enjoyment but all the same, i derived my holy week realization.
My life has fast changed over the year that i have been working. If you know me you would know that something has changed in me. Being serious has become my norm. Being a drone of the corporate world, responsible, efficient workaholic. The life that i led when i was younger, the small part of me that i thought was youthful, it has trickled into nothingness and i am left with a dry self. I have to regain my youth.
I don’t want to drift in this world and never really understand what it is to be young and to make mistakes and to remember happy times of sheer stupidity and fun. At the moment of realization, i grabbed the sand between my fingers and realized that old saying that the more you grip the sand in your hands the faster it is trickle, the trick is not grip it but to open your palm and just hold it, removing your desperation it stays in your hands longer.
I made a wish, a prayer asking guidance for my life. i realized that i needed this time, unconventional for my family for a holy week but all the same, a spiritual journey. It became apparent that there was something deeply wrong with what i have programmed myself to do. I wanted to grow older at such an alarming rate and i’m seeing bad signs of what it has produced.
I prayed not for success anymore but for simpler things, for happy moments, for laughs and for childish curiosity to life. I prayed for slow unraveling of truth, and intense appreciation of beauty and the meaning of experience.
By the time the sun reached the horizon, i closed my eyes, opened my palms to retain the sand that i had in my palm and i increased the volume of my music.
I found peace.
transferred from Friendster Blog written 08 Apr 2007